IMO I think we should treat this as a community wide problem (the inability to create a space welcoming for half the potential audience, and an environment toxic for part of the existing player base).
We should be discussing it as a community (ie, it’s an important and appropriate topic for stimhack), and we should seek to solve it as a community. The onus shouldn’t be on an individual to step up and say “hey, this is wrong” (especially not the target of abuse). Because that will never be sufficient to solve the problem we inherited from both society as a large and larger gaming culture.
I don’t know exactly how to solve it, but I know that we need a community based approach.