I tried to make up a new way of reviewing cards that would take into account more than just how good the card is. Here is what I've got so far.
4 - A very powerful card, or a card played consistently in a number of top decks.
3 - A card that might be played in at least one top deck at least 10% of the time that deck is played.
2 - Any card than can be played unironically.
1 - Jank.
4 - You could spend weeks discovering new ways to play and play against this card.
3 - This card can be used in a number of different ways and in different strategies.
2 - A simple card with a minor twist.
1 - This card only does one thing.
4 - This card can't be compared to any other card.
3 - This card has some quite unusual abilities.
2 - This card has at least one different feature or combination of features worth noticing.
1 - Nothing differentiates this card from most cards of the same type.
4 - This card makes someone get off their seat the first time it happens in a game.
3 - Thinking about this card makes people amused or frightened.
2 - You might cock an eyebrow at this card.
4 - Zzzz.