This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever read. Can’t stop laughing.
Fuck worlds, I want to be the first STRANGLEHOLD champion.
6 Likes
OK, I’m in the UK where the ANRPC finals is more like nationals than regionals, hence my confusion.
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If you didn’t want all the scatological silliness and were just looking for something short and snappy that effectively encapsulates the high-level competitive nature of the event, how about:
STI - Stimhack Top-tier Invitational
(Ok, I’ll stop. In full seriousness though, you could separate ‘top tier’ into two words and then you aren’t even evoking venereal disease - STTI is perfectly reasonable and inoffensive.)
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stimhack premier invitational
SHPI
because of casual / competitive / premier distinction in tournament rules
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Stimhack Masters
like golf
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AT&T Mobile Presents: Stimhack Masters Cup
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Better not have too many events called SMC. Could cause confusion or something 
Stimhack presents: The Celebrity Netrunner Invitational. Tuxes are mandatory. Now with more mini golf.
Or something completely unrelated like the Action Jackson Invitational, the Invitational for players who can’t read good, or the OCTGN Champs Invitational. Yeah I’m not good at coming up with names. If it starts with “Stimhack presents:” The (Anything you want here) Invitational more or less just works.
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Plz mandatory dress code of some kind
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Can I commentate if we call it this?
(The literal Masters background music plays - a light and soft piano solo)
A tradition like no other…For minutes, the champions have played here. The great memory, the great moment…at the Masters. Here…on one of the most beautiful OCTGN mats of all time…at the Masters. As the hours have ticked by, all you can do is appreciate the beauty of the OCTGN mat more and more. Be it the stunning vista of round 3, or the saltines of the chat box…at the Masters…all the beautiful scenes are even more beautiful when you realize…at the Masters…you are indeed…at the Masters.
I wish I was kidding about this shit. Like there’s something magical about a golf course.
Oh, but let me commentate. I’ll say shit like this for 7 hours straight. It’ll be great. 
Fifth hour in
Dan (or whoever): “So, it looks like they didn’t play that agenda into the remote, I wonder if they’re worried about a SMC into Stimhack…”
Me: "Here at the Masters, the Stimhacks only become amplified…even an ordinary Stimhack into Yog into trash PAD feels like…at the Masters…a Stimhack for all eternity to experience, that…at the Masters…feels like destiny…at the Masters…brought you that Stimhack.
Dan: “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Me: “Here at the Masters…only the masters…at the Masters…are such masters that…at the Masters…they must master not only themselves, but…at the Masters…the masters of mastering the masterful, and, dare I say…at the Masters…the masters of the masterful past…at the Masters.”
(sounds of yelling and punching)
Dan: "Sorry guys, we had some technical difficulties, looks like I’ll be finishing this myself now…
Shit, I’d be terrible, I can’t even keep a straight face typing this shit out.
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WIMBLEDON Why Invite More Brits, Let England Do it’s Own 'Nvitational
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Was thinking in similar veins, SHMI, StimHack Majors Invitational. Majors being the big ones ANRPC, Regionals and Nationals…
But not Worlds? That doesn’t seem right.
EDIT: I mean it’s whatever, that honestly works fine. But I would think that “Majors” like in sports, would imply many tournaments over the year. You could space them out, maybe the SCI, then the “Masters Invitational”, then two off-season ones (Opens?) Run it over multiple weekends or something, where anyone can enter. Double-Elim or some shit.
Troll suggestion?
Give me time for being brilliant.
But serious suggestion?
Stimhack Master Series presents xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-sports.
I have a question, if we have a Stimhack tournament does that mean that playing drugged is mandatory? And are we going to have drug tests to verify that? Just imagine someone gets to be the champion of a Stimhack tournament while being sober… 
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STAMHERK - Stimhack Tournament, All Master-level, Here Every Round is Killer
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I’d go with:
S - Stimulating
T - Tournaments
I - Immediate
M - Mental
H - Haemorrhage
A - And
C - Collective
K - Knockout
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I will be competing in the nude and no one can stop me.
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Reminds me of
PSI
Penultimate Stimhack Invitational
(Or Premier)
Please like and favorite my post, really helps me out. Vote 5. Etc.
Edit: Could call it “The PSI Games”
11 Likes